My name is Kyla and I'm a serial girlfriend

There. I've said it. Or at least written it. I've admitted the truth to myself and sent it out into the cosmos. Also known as cyberspace, where Lord knows who (if anyone) will see. But it's well-known fact that the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Does anyone know what the second step is?

Let me give you a little background: I have been in a relationship (not the same one, but a relationship) for the past 14 years of my life. That's more than 50% of the time that I've been alive. I'll break it down further for the mathematically challenged - I am 26 years old and I have been a girlfriend to someone since the age of 12. That is, until recently.

Through the magic of therapy, I have come to realize that this pattern of behavior is not healthy and has quite stunted my individual development. Who knew? (Come to think of it, probably anyone that would be reading this blog knew, but please refrain from saying or typing "I told you so;" I know you told me so and I would love it if we could just keep it at that.)

For 14 years I've jumped immediately from one relationship to the next. In that 14 years I've dated all types, all types: the smart guy, the devout church boy, the rebellious musician, the older guy, the athlete, the adventurous outdoorsy type, the funny guy, the wealthy foreigner, the tortured artist, the Southerner with a similar white bread background. And each new relationship was accompanied by the dream that this will be the person to complete me. To make me whole and make me happy. Never allowing myself to entertain the idea that I am responsible for my own happiness, not someone else. And each new relationship started with a confident version of myself. But not confident because I valued myself highly, confident because someone else valued me highly. And in each relationship I would try to be the perfect version of Kyla that I thought Boyfriend-of-the-Moment wanted me to be, rather than investing my effort into becoming the person that I wanted me to be. And I would inevitably start to resent Boyfriend-of-the-Moment because I tried so hard to mold myself into his perfect match, but I would finally reach a point where I couldn't live inside the mold I had created for myself anymore. So I would give up and start the cycle again with someone else.

But this time, I have broken the mold and have decided not to create another one ever again.

So this is me. Mold free. Which is also how I see this blog. Mold free. A place to explore things that interest me, excite me, upset me, offend me, scare me, speak to me, inspire me, perplex me, and a place to work on being the me that I want me to be, not just a serial girlfriend. Where I'm not concerned with sticking to a theme or presenting myself as the expert in a particular field, but really just want to grow and have fun and track my progress. And if someone else is helped by something I write here, that'd be really cool, but I'm not so vain as to think this blog really would benefit anyone else more than it would benefit me. So here goes my mold-free self. This is scary. And exciting. But mostly exciting.