Bo's Lasting Lessons

One of my best friends here in the city, Adam, is leaving soon for grad school in England. While I'm very happy for him, I'm pretty sad too. We've come to be such close friends over the past few years. Much closer than we were when we spent 8 hrs a day together as theatre majors at Michigan. On the other hand, at least for the next 2 years I have a good excuse to travel abroad! Seeing as Adam can't lug too much stuff across the Atlantic, he is lending things out to various friends to lighten his load. I recently had the honor of accepting 1.5 pounds of reading material: Bo's Lasting Lessons, which Adam took from his bookcase telling me, "I think you should read this."

For those of you who don't know, the Bo referred to in the title is none other than Michigan's legendary former head football coach Bo Schembechler. He just happens to be the winningest coach in the history of the University of Michigan, which just happens to be the winningest program in college football history (Alright, get your Appalachian State jokes out of the way now).

A young Bo Schembechler, classic!

Growing up in Georgia, I can't honestly say I have any recollection of hearing the name Bo Schembechler as a child. Vince Dooley? Yes! Bear Bryant? Yes. Bobby Bowden and Steve Spurrier? Yes, but only preceded by swearwords.

The face of evil - Satan and his minions

Bo Schembechler, however, was a man I knew nothing about. Even after moving to Ann Arbor, I still didn't know who the guy was. I knew his name and I knew he was a legend, but I didn't know why he was a legend. Reading his lasting lessons, I get it now. The man had immense character and integrity.

His book is about Michigan football, yes, but it's also about how to be a great leader. More than that, it's about how to be a great person. The importance of values. The importance of sticking to those values especially when it's difficult. The thing that has resonated with me the most from that book is something written in the forward: "They say your character is what you do when you think no one is watching."

While I agree with this statement and can't come up with any better indicators of a person's character, I also don't feel like there's ever that much time when no one is watching. Maybe that's just my vanity speaking, thinking someone's always paying attention to me. Or maybe it's because I started this blog, so if I ever do something that has the potential to go unnoticed, I can proclaim it for 14 followers and say, "Hey, world! Look at me! I did something great! Did you see?" Or maybe I've just seen that Liberty Mutual commercial too many times. You know... the one where someone does something nice for a person, someone else sees, and then they turn aound and do something nice for someone else and it keeps getting paid forward until it gets back to the first person.

Regardless, I have concluded that when it comes to measuring character, whether or not someone's actually watching what you're doing is not important. What's important is if you're doing what you're doing because you think someone's watching. Or not watching for that matter. Does that make me agnostic?

It's scary to think, but I'm pretty sure much of what I've done in life has been because I thought someone was watching. Maybe that's just the actress in me;  when I think someone's watching (which we've established is pretty much always) I want to put on a good show. Show them what they want to see and tell them what they want to hear... unless, of course, you're my sister. Then I will tell you the exact opposite of what you want to hear (but only as it pertains to trivial arguments like if the fan should turn clockwise or counter clockwise in the summer).

You see, I am terrified of disappointing people. And because of this terror, I tend to do what other people want, even if it's not what I want. Such compliance makes it very difficult for me to listen to my inner voice. (I could go on and on as to why that is, but if I did, why the hell would I have to pay someone else to help me sort through it?) I'm proud to say I've at least gotten to the point in my life where I can eventually listen to that inner voice, that instinct that never leads me astray. But when I do, it's typically after I've misrepresented that voice to someone else, which isn't fair to other people or myself. And then I find myself in this dilemna (Bite me, spellcheck! I'm not changing my spelling after all this time!) Here is how it plays out:

Inner Voice (whispering): Kyla.
Me: What's that noise?
Inner Voice (growing louder): Kyyyyla.
Me: Is that my inner voice?
Inner Voice (shouting): KYLA!!!!
ME: What?! Why are you yelling at me?!
Inner Voice : (gives evil death glare that implies "you know why I'm yelling at you, don't play dumb")
Me: Oh shit. I haven't been listening to you, have I? Crap. Do I have to listen to you, or can I just continue on as if you're not there?
Inner Voice : Choose you own ending, kid. But *spoiler alert* this is pretty much gonna suck either way.

Bo said, "I cannot recall a single moral dilemma in all my years of coaching. I really can't! And the reason is: We always knew what the right thing to do was, so we just did it. And we slept well at night! Really, it was that simple."

It never ceases to amaze me how difficult it can be to do the simplest things. Bo's inner voice must have been really loud from the get-go! The greatest ah-ha moment I've had in reflecting on this one sentence from the book is realizing that as terrifying as it is to disappoint people I think are watching, it's infinitely worse to live my life only for their judgement. Because all the praise in the world from onlookers doesn't add up to jack if I'm being praised for something I'm not. Likewise, criticism doesn't matter either so long as I'm being true to myself and true to others. And when it comes down to it, I'm the only one who can ever really know if I am true to myself. Because I'm the only one who's still there in those moments when no one else is around to watch... however few and far between those moments may be.